كيف يمكن تربية الاطفال بعد الطلاق ١٤ نصيحة:
للأسف، في أحيان كثيرة لا يشفع الاشتداد في الحب لامتداد العلاقة، والتي يمكن أن تنتهي في أي وقت، وتصبح عبارات من قبيل “معا حتى يفرقنا الموت” منتهية الصلاحية.
مع الوقت يصبح الزوجان المتآلفان عدوّان لدودان في داخل وخارج قاعة المحكمة، ثم المرور برحلة طلاق سيئة، ممتزجة بكثير من الأسى والحزن ومواقف الإساءة والتلاعب من الشريك، والتي تصّعب صياغة معادلة “صنع” صداقة محتملة بعد الطلاق.
حقيقة قد تزعج، الشريك الذي انفصلت عنه سيكون في حياتك لمدّة طويلة، تحديدا عندما يجمع بينكما أطفال، والتي تعني بقاء حيّز من المصالح والاهتمامات والتطلعات المشتركة، وتجاوز العلاقة الذاتية المحصورة بـــــ”الأنا” لصالح علاقة مشتركة؛ تساهم في منع تسرّب أي عطب نفسي وعاطفي للأطفال.
14 نصيحة لتحقيق تربية مشتركة للاطفال عند الطلاق:
حاول أن تخرج من المنطقة العالقة:
قم بقطع حبال الحزن والأسى والغضب. نعم يبدو الكلام أسهل مما نتوقع، فيما لو مسّتنا واقعة الانفصال. مهما كانت رغبتك بالطلاق، لكن بالتأكيد هناك شعور بالخسارة والفقدان، هناك ألم يتسرّب بداخلك. بعضهم يتجاوزه بخفّة وسهولة، فيما يعلق آخرون لسنوات. إلى أن تبدأ مشاعرهم تتشافى تدريجيًا. وهذا، في واقع الأمر، يعتمد على عوامل كثيرة من بينها إحاطة الذات بعلاقات داعمة، وطلب المساعدة من مختص أسري يمكنه أن يساعدك في تجاوز هذه التجربة بأقل ضرر وخسارة ممكنة.
لقد بذلت وسعك:
تأكد تمامًا أنك قد بذلت وسعك في سبيل إنجاح هذه العلاقة، صبرت واجتهدت وحاولت وسعيت. لا أحد بالتأكيد يحبّ أن يصل إلى مرحلة الانفصال عن الشريك، لكن عندما تصبح الخسائر تضاهي المنافع، وحين تصبح الحياة ما بعد الزواج أسوأ ما قبلها. تصبح خطوة الانفصال أكثر أمنًا وسلامًا.
ضع حدودًا:
عبر إقامة “تعهدات الطلاق” بأن تكون واضحة وصريحة، بأن يتعهّد كلا الطرفين باحترام رغبات وأفكار ومشاعر الآخر والتعامل بحسن نيّة، والامتناع عن أية إساءة من شأنها أن تضر بمصلحة الأطفال. هذا التعهّد يجعل التواصل أكثر إيجابيّة وانفتاحًا، كما يمكنه أن يقلّص أية مشاكل أو مشاحنات من شأنها أن تقع لاحقًا.
أعد تعريف العلاقة:
حاول أن تعيد النظر للعلاقة بطريقة مختلفة، الشريك الذي أمامك بعد الانفصال ليس عدوّك ولا ندًّا لك، هو مجرد “متعاون والدي” معك من أجل أطفالك.
هناك عدة أمور من شأنها أن تسهل عليك إعادة بلورة رؤيتك للعلاقة، كتحسين مهارات الاتصال مع الشريك، والوفاء بوعودك، وقول الحقائق، وعدم المبالغة في رد الفعل إزاء الأشياء، والاعتراف بأخطائك. وتنحية الاعتبارات الذاتية جانبًا.
استثمر طاقتك في مكان آخر:
عبر غمر ذاتك بمجموعة من الأنشطة اليومية التي من شأنها أن تغيّر من نمط حياتك، هذا ينقذك من المشاعر السلبية للانفصال؛ فهي خطوة لإعادة اكتشاف الحياة بقلب وعقل مختلف. كما ويمكنك توظيف استثمار الطاقة بإنشاء علاقات وصداقات تغذّي حماسك تجاه الحياة وتقصّر مسافات الشفاء.
كن مستعدا وتحدث بالحقائق:
اجمع أطفالك، وأخبرهم بمشاركة الشريك عن قرار الانفصال، هناك حديث كثير يُقال حول طريقة الإخبار هذه، لكن المهم أن تفسح لهم المجال للتعبير عن مشاعره، وأن تطمئنهم وتهدئ من روعهم، في أن الانفصال لا يعني عدم رؤية أحد الوالدين معًا، أو عدم تناول وجبة عائلية أو مشاركة بعض الأنشطة. لا تتلاعب بالحقائق، ولا تزيّف لهم صورة الحياة القادمة، ولا تعدهم بما لا يمكن تحقيقه.
زوجان منفصلان والديّة مشتركة:
تذكّر أن شريكك هو أحد والديّ طفلك، عندما تقرر أن تدخل عالم الوالديّة فهذا يعني أن تضع نفسك في المرتبة الثانية، وأن تقدم مصلحة طفلك على نفسك، وأن يصبح التحالف المستقبلي مع الشريك أمرًا متاحًا ومقبولًا، فكما تقول أنايس نين: “الزواج عائلي، لكن الطلاق شخصي”.
لا تضغط على الأزرار الساخنة:
تحكّم بمشاعرك، حاول أن تمضي في طريق التسامح والمغفرة، فلم يعد هذا الشخص يسيطر على حياتك مجددًا.
أعلم أن هذا الأمر يبدو شاقًا وصعبًا، لكن ثق بي سيجعل شفاءك سريعًا، وسيعينك على المضيّ بحريّة أكثر في حياتك.
تذكر دومًا أنه لا أحد يربح في الطلاق، كلا الطرفان خاسران، تقول هانا مور “المسامحة هي اقتصاد القلب، إنها غفران يحميك من نفقة الغضب، ويحميك من تكلفة الكراهية، ويحميك من إهدار الأرواح”.
دع المنطق ينتصر على العاطفة:
عبر خلق والديّة منتجة، ورسم صورة الأسرة الجديدة بعد الانفصال، بوضع حدود للعلاقة، وترتيب أمور الزيارة، والسكن، والنفقة. دع الوالديّة الفعّالة تتقدم أمامًا. هذا لا يعني بالتأكيد أن تلغي مشاعرك، لكن ليس بالضرورة أن تجعلها تقودك وتتحكم بك. ضعها جانبًا.
لا تقلق، أطفالك بخير:
كل ما يحتاجه الأطفال هو بيت خالي من المشاجرات، ومن صور العداء اللفظي والجسدي والنفسي يوميًا، فمنزل متناغم وهادئ مع والدين منفصلين أكثر صحة على المستوى النفسي والعاطفي من منزل يعيش فيه والدان مجبران على البقاء معًا. ترى المحللة النفسية وأخصائية طب الأسرة بيتريك فايبخ بأنه في الانفصال وسيلة ممكنة لخلق حياة أفضل للأطفال في بعض الحالات تقول: “تتسبب الحرب المستمرة بين الأب والأم في تسميم الأجواء بالمنزل وانشغالهما بصراعهما ونسيان الأطفال، فعندما يتشاجر الآباء بشكل شبه دائم يمكن للانفصال حينها أن يهدئ من حدة الحياة”.
كن ودودًا ومهذبًا:
تحدّث بشكل إيجابي عن شريكك أمام أطفالك، تجنب اللوم والنقد والمقارنة، كن مهذبا ودودًا فيما لو ذكرته أمامهم، لا تخدش صورته، ولا تظهره كما لو أنه وحشٌ قد قضَّ عشّ الزوجية. لأجل أطفالك هذب حديثك، ورّكز على إيجابياته ومناقبه الحسنة. فهذا من شأنه أن يجعل انفصالك صحيًّا.
لا تجعل طفلك يختار:
أرجوك، لا تجعل طفلك طرفًا في معادلة الانحياز، بأن يتعاطف أو يميل أو يصطف معك في مواجهة الشريك، لا تقحمه في مثل هذه المعارك، ولا تجعله يختار بينكما، كيلا يتحوّل إلى كبش فداء.
علّمه أنه لا يمكن العيش دون عائلة، وأن مسعاه لنشر الحب بين الوالدين هي شجاعة للتخفيف من ضوضاء العلاقة بينهما.
السرّ السيء:
لا تعلّم طفلك أن يخفي الأسرار عن شريكك، فهذا قد يدفعه للكذب، ويُفقد ثقته بك، ويرسم صورة بأن والديه ليسا مصدران للأمان. كما وتجنب القيام بفعل وقول ما يجعل طفلك مضطراً للتغطية على تصرفاتك. علّم طفلك أن يكون واضحًا وصريحًا كي لا يطالك إخفاء الأسرار. وينطبق الأمر على ترك إجباره في إخبارك كل شيء عن الشريك.
خبرات داعمة:
تعرّف على أشخاص مرّوا بخبرة الانفصال، استمع إليهم وتشارك معهم مشاعرك وأفكارك، واختر ما يمكن أن يساعدك على تخطي محنة الانفصال.
لا تنشئ علاقات غرامية جديدة:
تمهّل، خذ وقتًا، ولا تندفع نحو إقامة علاقات غرامية أو ارتباط جديد. تجنب محاولات الانتقام من الشريك بهذه الطريقة. خذ وقتك للتشافي من العلاقة السابقة، واختر الشريك القادم بعناية ووعي تامّيْن.
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Reading this on a phone at a coffee shop and finding it perfectly suited to that context, and a stop at cozyhomestead continued the comfortable mobile experience, content that works across reading conditions without compromising on substance is increasingly important and this site has clearly thought about the whole reader experience here.
Probably one of the more reliable sources I have found for this kind of careful coverage, and a look at radianttouch reinforced the reliability, the small group of sources I would describe as reliable for a given topic is curated carefully and this site has earned a place in that small group through consistent performance.
A satisfying piece in the way that good meals are satisfying rather than just filling, and a look at trendoutlet extended that satisfaction, the metaphor between content and meals is one I find useful and this site reads as a satisfying meal rather than the empty calories that most content provides for casual readers.
Worth saying that the post fit naturally into a rhythm of careful reading, and a stop at modernvertex extended the same rhythm, content that pairs well with how I actually read rather than demanding a different mode is content well calibrated to its likely audience and this site has clearly thought about that consistently.